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Author Topic: Movie Reviews  (Read 38434 times)

Offline Signothorn

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #285 on: September 25, 2013, 07:58:04 AM »
Just watched a semi-low budget film called "Kiss of the Damned". It wasn't bad, vamps were kinda sexy and there was a little "True Blood" reference in it.

Offline MooCHa

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #286 on: September 26, 2013, 11:01:29 PM »
Just watched a surprisingly good werewolf movie that came out last year called "Werewolf: The Beast Among Us". It caught me off guard, really liked it.

Dl'd It just to watch.

I gueSS. I'll never forgive you lol
Regards...

Offline Signothorn

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #287 on: October 02, 2013, 03:19:49 AM »
Okay, a new Fright Night sequel came out today, a supposed sequel to Fright Night 2011. Yeah, so the vampire in this movie is named Gerri Dandridge. The vamp in the first movie was Jerry Dandridge... This sets the pace for what you should expect from the rest of this movie and it's more like another reboot than a sequel. Because it came out today, I'm gonna use some spoiler tags. I don't suggest you watch this movie under any circumstances, but if you feel the urge, don't read the rest.

Spoiler for Hiden:
So Gerri is a professor in Romania. Some students went there from the U.S. to study blah blah blah, I wasn't even sure from watching it. Nothing from the previous story carried over as it was another reboot in the form of a sequel. It takes place in modern day Romania, but is marketed to Americans who haven't studied anything about modern Romania and think Dracula's castle is fully in tact ect and operational. More on that later.

Let me first say, the first thing that's noticeable in this film is every character from Charlie, Evil Ed, and all their friends, including Peter Vincent, are the biggest douchebags that have ever been recorded in modern cinema. At one point, Evil Ed tried to repel Gerri with a cross picture on his cell phone...Yeah...  Charlie had his suspicions of Gerri, so for some stupid as fuck reason, while touring Dracula's castle, he tells Ed he's going to leave the group to find the bathroom...in Dracula's old castle...because he needs a drink of water...(You can't make this shit up) While walking around exploring the castle unattended, he spots Gerri with some random dude and they disappear in some lightning. The story doesn't explain why he would think Gerri would be in Dracula's castle, because she lives in an apartment building adjacent to his. As the tour continues with Ed, the seed is planted deep in your subconscious that Gerri could actually be Elizabeth Bathory...

Yeah, at this point I begin feeling they took a random script for a Vampire movie written by Master Cyril and changed all instances of the character's names to Gerri, Amy, Ed and Peter. Gerri is played by Jamie Murray who is hot as hell and has some unique facial expressions, but nothing as seductive as Regine Dandridge in the 1988 sequel to the original Fright night from '85 and Julie Carmen made a much more complete vampire and had a deeper personality.

So long story short, it turns out Gerri is indeed Elizabeth Bathory and we actually get a history lesson when Ed flashes his tablet PC and shows us a jib-jab style comic with Elizabeth's Bathory's altered history. Turns out through some great revised history, Elizabeth Bathory lived with Vlad Tepes (Dracula) back in the day and somewhere deep in the castle where presumably nobody has ever ventured on a public tour, there is a nice little swimming pool of blood with a fully functional fountain and no real dust and clean stained glass windows. Wait, it gets better! Amy was kidnapped by Gerri..erm..Elizabeth because she was still a virgin who was born at the stroke of midnight on a full moon. She turns Amy into a vamp and as part of this ritual, Amy has to kill Charlie so Gerri can walk in the sunlight, probably sparkly as fuck.

Well, the earlier encounter where Ed tried to use a crucifix smartphone app was unsuccessful, I forgot to point that out. Ed is sent after Peter after he's turned, kinda like the original fright night in '85. Peter is about to get his ass handed to him, but his shirt got ripped open, exposing a giant cross tattoo and Peter just opened his arms and gave Evil Ed a big 'ol hug and Ed ends up with pizza face. Later Peter shoves an open bottle of blessed purified water down Ed's throat and kills him.

Oh, back to the pool of blood... Charlie walks in, ready to go kill Gerri and Amy was waiting under the blood in the pool. I can't remember why or how Charlie got into the pool at this point, but if you think I'm going to go back and watch that sequence again, you can go fuck yourself. Charlie and Amy fight in the pool yada yada yada, Peter shows up with a cruci-stake (some prop probably left over from "Monster Squad") and stabs Gerri in her midsection, of coarse misses the heart and Gerri licks her own blood off of it, when there is a whole fucking pool of it right in front of her. Charlie defeats Gerri somehow and both he and Amy turn back into humans, because it's the same night. Charlie stands there in the pool of blood up to his shoulders and has no concern for blood-born disease, nor does he have any concern about Amy's medical condition. Instead they cut to a scene of them clothed outside and Peter jokes that the reason he came to help them was to ensure his check cleared. He was offered like 5k by Evil Ed earlier for his help to stop Gerri. I'd assume the money would have come from Ed's bank account but he's still dead at the end of the movie so that made a shitload of sense. THE END!!!

« Last Edit: October 02, 2013, 09:21:57 AM by Signothorn »

Offline Nosferatu Numbers Station

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #288 on: October 02, 2013, 10:06:18 AM »
It'd fit in rather well if they were all politicians.  Why?  Because douchebags, stupid ideas/wise cracks, and lack of proper research on whatever they have rotting in the inbox fits perfectly with that narrative setting.  Lobbyists representing vampiredom on the blood of the innocent economics (they do tend to befriend our hero/ines), the cross being the intention to fix their problems (albeit having to pull it deep out of their asses to get it), and the shitty lawmaking is the concept of domination (some will resist, others will take it legs up).

That would fit perfectly into a proper vampire spoof.
If you put your head to a pipe, you can always hear ringing.  But whether it's the pipe or your head that's ringing is the question.

Offline El_Gostro

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #289 on: October 04, 2013, 04:22:36 PM »
The taxidermist...
Eep :pixorstfu:

Offline Ventrueloquist

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #290 on: October 15, 2013, 10:23:07 PM »
I saw the Twilight Zone movie from 1983 and it was interesting. Several different shades of weird. I've heard of it being very uneven and I guess you can say that with each of the four stores being quite different from the others (each had a different director), the only thing in common was the imaginative and sometimes scary/spooky concepts.  It was never dull, but other people would perhaps say that the stories were more imaginative than good. It was fun watching John Lithgow and Dan Aykroyd being so young. Especially Dan Aykroyd in a very 80's hairdo at the beginning of the movie. I'd imagine the tv show being equally good or probably better than the stories in this movie.

I think I've even seen one of the episodes of the show that went 1985-1989 (the first one aired 1959). If I look long enough into the distant corners of my mind, I can recall it being about a boy living in a house, doing ordinary stuff, but no one in the house seems to know him. Whatever he does is unmade, if he drinks a glass, the glass suddenly disappears a while later. He asks an old man why no one knows him, whether it means that he is dead, but the old man says it's quite the contrary - he hasn't been born yet. Yeah, weird as I said, imaginative, but mostly in a good way.

Offline El_Gostro

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #291 on: October 16, 2013, 06:45:54 PM »
Bundy:
Kinda lacking and pointless,not sure how accurate

Achi &ssipak:

Epic action at the very leasts!

Hospital bruit:

Some artsy stuff done by some artist collective,reccomended with drugs

La femme qui poudre:

YES OH YESSESS!!!!


Offline MooCHa

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #292 on: October 16, 2013, 08:58:16 PM »
I Spit on Your Grave 2 was an OK watch but first half of movie is kinda sick but the second part I was go girl :)
Regards...

Offline Signothorn

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #293 on: October 22, 2013, 08:27:40 AM »
Just checked out "Never Cry Werewolf". It's almost literally a copy of the original story of "Fright Night", only with a werewolf. Even though nothing could touch Fright Night (original), I thought it was fun and Kevin Sorbo was pretty good as a TV hunter who helped the teen take on the werewolf. Worth checking out.

Offline El_Gostro

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #294 on: October 23, 2013, 08:21:08 PM »
Lesbian Vampire Killers :rock:

Offline Signothorn

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #295 on: October 23, 2013, 09:03:17 PM »
Lesbian Vampire Killers :rock:

That one was pretty funny.

Offline Rick Gentle

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #296 on: October 24, 2013, 06:04:09 AM »
Have you noticed that female vampires in movies from the 60s through the early 80s were always lesbians? God help them if there was ever a STRAIGHT vampiress.
Also, I blame the French for the sexualization of vampires. There are French movies, and there are vampire movies, but French vampire movies are the worst.
Remember: It's not the size of your fangs that matters; it's what you stick them in.

Offline El_Gostro

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #297 on: October 24, 2013, 01:00:54 PM »
Have you noticed that female vampires in movies from the 60s through the early 80s were always lesbians? God help them if there was ever a STRAIGHT vampiress.
Also, I blame the French for the sexualization of vampires. There are French movies, and there are vampire movies, but French vampire movies are the worst.

Give us names!!! :pixorstfu:

Offline Rick Gentle

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #298 on: October 25, 2013, 12:06:25 AM »
Well, if you watch it as a porno instead of a vampire flick, there's always Female Vampire.
Lessee...The Shiver of the Vampire (French with English subtitles)... And... other ones. If you can get a "People who watched this movie also liked..." thing, then it should show you other nudie vampire flicks. I started off this whole business by watching "Batman vs. Dracula", and look where it got me. So beware.

EDIT
There's also Blood for Dracula, which is a pseudo-comedy presented by Andy Warhol, starring a guy who could pass for a pretty good young Bela Lugosi. Yeah. Andy Warhol did a vampire movie. Got his paws in just about everything else, so why not a vampire flick? Consider that your warning.
Dracula's Widow isn't a bad vampire flick, per se. It's just kinda 80s.
For a French "vampire" movie, you could look up The Nude Vampire. It's not much of a "vampire" movie, but it is very French.
Two Orphan Vampires is the story about what appears to be two extremely delusional Caitiff in France. There's only one lesbianish scene, and the story is pretty weird to begin with. Did I mention it's another French vampire movie?
Abe's Tomb might deserve one and one-half stars, up from the one star it got on Amazon.com. It's an indie flick that has creatures called vampires in it - they don't sparkle, but you'd never know they were vampires for all the prancing around in the sun they do. It's a much better movie for the message Abe wants to impart to the townsfolk than it is for any actual content.
Tale of a Vampire isn't bad, but it's the English take on vampires (i.e., don't expect the movie to end on a happy note). The lead actor is a pretty good vampire, and I think I've liked him in other movies, too.
I was really impressed by two indie vampire flicks I watched yesterday. The first, Blood Reunion has some nice and some not-so-nice female nudity, and isn't a horrible movie aside from this. However, it does get kind of annoying and boring after a while. You just start thinking to yourself, "Yeah, yeah, get on with it".
The second indie flick, John Johnson's Alucard is a great remake of Bram Stoker's Dracula. They keep the same narrative style (people reading and writing letters) set to live action. Ironically, though, when the story starts getting exciting (from the discovery as Lucy Wisteria/Lucy Westerna as a vampire onwards), it gets a bit forced and unengaging. After all, it's not like you don't know the ending, right? The movie clocks in at 2:12:00 or so, but they tell the WHOLE story. I gotta give huge props to the guy playing Renfield for being such a dedicated actor.
Vampire Journals is an average vampire flick, though it is MUCH more professionally done than any of the other ones mentioned above, with the possible exception of Tale of a Vampire. It strongly reminds me of the Camarilla, if the Camarilla didn't have the Sixth Tradition.

Also apparently there's a new T.V. series called "Dracula", starring that one dude from that one other popular T.V. show, "The Tudors", but I haven't been able to watch it yet.



... or were you being sarcastic about asking for names? I can never tell with you people.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2013, 10:43:43 AM by Rick Gentle »
Remember: It's not the size of your fangs that matters; it's what you stick them in.

Offline Rick Gentle

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Re: Movie Reviews
« Reply #299 on: October 25, 2013, 10:11:08 AM »
Is there any Dracula movie out there where Dracula DOESN'T die? You'd think there'd be at least one movie where he gets his moment:
"Dude... you don't think in the centuries of my existence, somebody hasn't tried this before? How do you think I've MANAGED to live centuries? I laugh at your feeble attempts to destroy me, and reward you only with painful death for your troubles!"
Remember: It's not the size of your fangs that matters; it's what you stick them in.