I sometimes get into a weird mood... this is what results:
<red>This morning at 8:35 I admitted myself into a mental asylum. The receptionist asked me why I wanted to be kept in a mental asylum and I told her that I couldn’t explain it to her – I need a psychologist, preferably a smart one, to explain the situation to. So she used her intercom to summon Dr. Stephenson. Dr. Stephenson is a man of very light complexion and bright blue eyes. He carries the knowledge necessary to understand my condition.
He asked me what was wrong so I told him: I understand. I understand the whole situation. I know why things are as they are. I can see beyond the facades of people and affairs. I can see inside people’s souls and I can sense that something is wrong.
He insisted on details. I could feel that he was willing and ready to understand but he was too sane to truly comprehend what I was trying to tell him.
I revealed to him that my condition is not curable and he tried to convince me otherwise. The fool will probably never understand but I know what I need to tell him. I know that the whole world is a mental asylum and that the sane ones end up in mental institutions to protect them from the world. I am here seeking refuge; seeking the alternate sanity in a place filled with insane individuals – each of them a window into the human soul.
I know that I am nothing but a marketing target and that nobody truly cares about me. I know that love is nothing but an addiction and that friendship is nothing but a mutual agreement to treat the opposite with the minimum of human respect necessary to sustain sanity. What to do without me, friend? Lose sanity and win insanity.
All these voices on TV telling me what to do, they don’t understand me – they can’t hear me. I keep yelling at them to stop but they keep on blabbering, forcing me to do things I don’t want to do.
I don’t want to kill people but it seems to be the only way out of this misery. They will understand once they are <strike>death</strike>. Eternal wisdom lingers beyond the borders of human comprehension and death is the only leak that the voices permit us. I will not kill the innocent. Nobody is innocent.
I want to dispense salvation – stop the promotion of the 7 deadly sins. Stop the vice that has infested our minds and cleanse our human race. I know it is a necessity – I finally understand.
Stephenson refused to do so.
He kept telling me it is wrong to kill people which shows again that he is simply too struck with his own insanity to let the truth strike him or even touch him. He is a smart man, why won’t he understand? It is not my work, not my choice; it is the necessity in itself that forces me to be myself and to fulfill my plan.
This is why I am here. I am here to make him understand. He is closer to the sane world than most of the people out there. I need him understand. I need the affirmation that my mission is just, that the whole point of this endeavor is the good of humanity. Why would he refuse to understand? A smart man like him…
I am struck with the voices and they won’t stop. I rely on the fact that my sanity will lead my way and I know that I cannot go wrong. I am the product of my exterior influences divided by the pattern of my genetic code. I never made a conscious choice in my life except to accept the truth of things. That was the hardest and most controversial choice I ever made as it was the only choice I ever made. The illusion of free will keeps us all insane. We forget to fulfill our destinies being wound up in matters that we cannot control either way. I need to do something and I know now what it is. I chose my destiny carefully and this is the first time in my life that I know I am doing the right thing.
Why won’t he understand? What is wrong with him? I can sense that he is scared of me but why? Does he have the impression I could be dangerous? Stephenson doesn’t deserve death so why would he bear fear behind his eyes; these bright blue eyes?
Can’t he see the true faces, can’t he hear the voices? Does he pretend to understand the true matter of things? Thereby the true state of affairs?
He doesn’t so why would he pretend. He is a smart person…
I cannot make him understand. I cannot make anybody understand. They are all too wound up buying things and pretending to be happy. Could they understand if I told them? No they couldn’t and I know it. They are not smart enough – they will never understand and they are better left that way. But they have to be saved and I have to do it. I heard the call and it all makes perfect sense now! But why me… Why not somebody else? Because I am what I was born to be and I never had a choice. They need to be saved in order to understand. They will understand once salvation has come to them. Beyond the gate marketing targets do not matter!
They will understand.
DO YOU?</red>
Well, this what the child of Malkav has seeded inside my cerebrum. Open a window and let the misery flow...
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- A child of Malkav, struck with sanity like no soul before me -