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Author [EN] [PL] [ES] [PT] [IT] [DE] [FR] [NL] [TR] [SR] [AR] [RU] Topic: FanFic Vampire - Monsters  (Read 2385 times)

Marked as best answer by on November 16, 2020, 05:17:37 am

Offline [archive] ArMeD-SqUiRrEl

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Re: FanFic Vampire - Monsters
« on: February 01, 2008, 11:42:00 pm »
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  •                 Have been gone for quite some time. I intend to create a series that will have multiple parts. Monsters is part 1.
     
     
     The rain comes down...
     It is a deluge of moisture, drowning those in its wake.
     The grime of the streets evaporate, releasing an ominous fog across the landscape. The city has no power.
     I Have No Power...
     
     The trail of blood has yet to be washed away...
     Please Stop...
     
     The alley seems to be lost in an abysmal darkness. All she can feel is pain...
     The sewer grating refuses to give way, her restraints are seemingly one with it...
     Help Me!
     She screams...
     
     The man looks up, into the eyes of the pathetic girl he had been stalking for days...
     Into the mouth...
     At her fangs...
     
     He recoils in disgust. He withdraws from her.
     
     She crumples to the floor, violated, alone, soaked in the torrential downpour, shivering...
     
     And he walks away...
     Out of the alley.
     Into the night.
     
     She lies crying, her eyes bloodshot, blood seeping from her genitals.
     The grating gives way, as she falls into the filth of the underworld...
     
     Monster...
     
     The Toreador cries herself to sleep, into the cold grasp of the urban world...
     
     We live in a world, steeped in evil. We perceive this, and know it to be true. Yet we fail to acknowledge the darkness in our own hearts. We insist this evil originates from what we call demons; From the very bowels of Hell, and all of its spawn. When will it be realized, that man, is the true essence of evil...
     
     ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
     
     The colors fade away, as does the image.
     Her eyes open slowly, as the the Malkavian raises her head from her palms...
     
     The scene still plays through her mind, as if it were own memory...
     The restraints...
     
     Wet leather, soaked in filth and rain...
     
     Help Me!
     
     The shriek enveloped the room, the windows shattered.
     She fell to her knees attempting to block it out...
     
     ...And the scream subsided...
     Replaced with complete silence.
     
     The vampire gritted her teeth...
     
     "And they call us monsters..."
     
     
     
                           

     

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    Offline [archive] Skyra_to_Hollow

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    Re: FanFic Vampire - Monsters
    « Reply #1 on: February 03, 2008, 11:00:00 pm »
                    Interesting short, Squirrel.  Is it a coincidence that your story included (an albeit dark session of) "screwing in the rain" or is it completely unrelated to that poll on the Off Topic board?                        

     

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    Offline [archive] ArMeD-SqUiRrEl

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    Re: FanFic Vampire - Monsters
    « Reply #2 on: February 04, 2008, 12:26:00 am »
                    Just looked at the poll. Nothing to do with it trust me lol                        

     

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    Offline [archive] RakishAzrael

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    Re: FanFic Vampire - Monsters
    « Reply #3 on: February 04, 2008, 12:42:00 am »
                    i like the premise.
     
     the format is ok.
     
     wording sort of sucks.
     
     You're trying too hard. just because a words bigger doesnt make it better.
     
     writing is about flow and timing and fit.
     
     keep it going though, you may improve...                        

     

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    Offline [archive] Skyra_to_Hollow

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    FanFic Vampire - Monsters
    « Reply #4 on: February 04, 2008, 01:16:00 am »
                    I agree with some of the points Az made.  The concept and the timing works pretty well.  The flow is a bit confusing...I get that it's a flashback/premonition, and it seems to adequately set the stage for further development of the Malk.  But as written, I'm pretty confused about what was going on with the Torrie girl.                        

     

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