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Author Topic: A fanfiction  (Read 6614 times)

Offline antipaladin

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A fanfiction
« on: September 02, 2011, 09:49:47 PM »
im new at this , so go easy on me, this is work in progess.

The very end of you
intro
He couldn't remmber much…
"My Head just explodes…" he thought to himself
Slowly opening his eyes he looked up touching the source of he's neck pain he found 2 small holes…
Touching them he looked at the villain who made those… she was smoking a cigarette sitting on the coach with little smirk on her face.
 That’s much of what he remember of he's embrace. He was later told of what he became. A vampire nonetheless. And each vampire apparently have clans and politics that would make human life look like shit. "Damn" it took him long time to process all of it.
He was told he was a Gangrel. A warrior nomad clan. He was okay with it, since he was a second world  war veteran. A sergeant nonetheless. Since then even hunted by what happened out there.  He tried to move to the states, and found a part time job as a bouncer in a club, there he met her. He was mostly a nomad himself even before the war.
That was over 50 years ago. Boris is now living in L.A. and takes part of the Cammerila often takes hits from the prince to sustain he's life style. No he doesn't have a big manor or something, he just have a wide collection of weapons, swords in particular , he is also trained in every method of every one of them. He had a rugged beard and a petite body structure. He wasn't very tall perhaps  1.72 meters high and 60 kg heavy but he sure knew how to handle himself. The scars say so.
After the events of Lacroix 5 years ago he was replaced by Sir James lorren A hundred year old venture from Ireland the primogen besides him is Helena Stiff also known as the District Attorney head office.  Strauss got promotion to a lord and moved east he was replaced Jonathan Miller and Heidi klem.
Beckket remained in town and became primogen for the local Gengral ,including Boris. Tourrete was overthrown by Bertum Tung when her secret was discovered. Julia hex and Dr.Doliko replaced her as primogen. Doliko took the club and Julia dealt with younger malkavians. There were some other changes but he cared less upon then. At least so far.

Chapter 1
It all started when he opened he email to find out another email from the prince. No this wasn't the same something was not kosher… he could sense it although not really put a finger to what it was…
He decided to go there. On luis street and corner of 44st. it was a dark alley where he was a ambushed.
No he didn’t go that easy though, wearing a leather jacket with black jeans, combat boots and a katana on he's belt he defeated those thugs so easily he didn’t even shed sweet, even being out numbered 1 to 5, only to find out they ware vampires. Then he saw the a hooded guy in the shadow asked him to fallow him. Something was so familiar in that guy he just had too!  A bricked wall collapsed all of a sudden and it apeard as an illusion there was no wall at all, only a door. He opened the door and dim light opened a room, full of books, jars of skulls and candle's .
"I'm sorry for those guys downstairs, Good help is really hard to come by, I said just to test you in case you weren't alone, do accept my apology's"  the cloacked figure turned to him to take off hes hood and reveal hes face. "Brother!!" Boris shouted "How on earth are you alive after what, 61 years?!"
"You are not the only kindred in the family little brother" he smiled with a smirk "once you left the cursed soviets claimed our family traitors we lost everything , parents died soon after of heart broken heart attack, and I was embraced but unlike you I'm not a Gangrel,  I'm a Cappadocian. "
"Cappadocian? But Pavel I thought they ware extinct by the Giovanni?" "Apparently not. There are but of few hundred of us still exists. You do know Boris I tried to track you down for some time now, your name bears a legend among Gangrels , Cammerila number 1 Hit – man. "
"I'm sorry but it’s a living.. so what brings you to find me brother? " "Well I was not so gifted as a fighter as you have , and I might need your help in … a rather pesky business… but first meet an a quittance and dear friend of mine, we have been traveling together for decades now.."  A beautiful woman entered the room, she wore long robes of white and a cross on her, and had a small scar her forehead . A closer observation showed it was not a scar but a closed eye. " A salubri? Brother you are of a unique taste!" "You are not the only collector of relics Boris" he said with a smirk.
"Greetings Boris of the Gangrel Clan , I'm Donna of Salubri Clan, your brother speaks very highly of you, but he didn’t mention your so handsome, although the family connection is not without notice ."
Boris kissed her hand and bowed slightly as he knew accustomed to such pretty woman she wasn't older then mid 30's but she was powerful. The claymore she carried made her a fearsome warrior he guessed. "Brother where have you found such a pretty kindred, are there more when she came from?" almost joking. "Right now that we made ourselves comfterble we must discuss business. It seems that there is serious Baali infestation in the city, and to make matters worst the Sabbat Bishop from out of town protects them, to what cause is I don’t know" "What?! Baali?! And sabbat? I had my fair round with those demons they are unnerving to say the least. But they are not undefeatable!"  "however I do not understand how you fit in this and why would you care?" "Well , Boris, you see me and Donna here have been hunting the baali on and off around the world for the reason they wish to awake a powerful ainceint here, one of baali first , Moloch. I cannot let this happen , According to some texts from the book of nod, Moloch alone have the power to awaken the rest of the first and second generation. And you know what happends next" "Gehhena!" Boris said, and then smiled "You don’t really believe in this shit right?!" "Hey you got what to lose? I also heard baali have some swords you really want to have "
"Right in that case what are we waiting for lest storm them" "Oh we wouldn’t be able to do it the 3 of us, but we can get help, with out joined connections in the city we can form  small party"
"Okay Pavel so what is our first step?" "First step? Meet with the prince!"

Chapter 2
Sir James loren didn’t had to work too hard to replace Lacroix , Streuss found prove of him belonging to the black hand and after he's final death and those needed a substitute and as for the kine believe he has passed from acute lycomia and He's second in charge of the company took over, Changing the company name in the process. The three arrived there only to be greeted by the ventrue guards and Helena stiff.
"And to what ends does this meeting needs to go , dare I ask?"
"Formal business with the prince Helena , but you might want to join us, as a primogen." Boris responded."Fine , guards leave us, you three come with me." A Door opens and there is Sir James. He is blond and taller then Lacroix wearing a long tranchcoat of black and dark purple color seemingly of expensive leather , under it is an expensive suit and black tie, metching black shoes and belt.
Helena looked different , she had a short dark hair with long heels and office suit , just like a lawyer.
"Greetings kindred , Oh, Boris! For what Do I owe that pleasure?"
"Hello Sir James, this is my brother , he has some disturbing news that you would like to listen too.."
And thus he was explained in detail how does sabbat and baali threaten the masquerade in L.A. and an action needed to be taken.
"Right, those are most disturbing news, however I cannot   offered to intervene personally for this I , We do however offer you the services of one of our top guns from the clan to lend he's gun for you he is located at 41 and west st. He's name is Lior ,of Israel decent , an ex special ops from there, and you know how they can be… once you meet him I suggest you Visit the rest of the primogen, if you gather enough support you might just take 'em out in one shot. Oh and one more thing ,ill supply you with cash, Lacroix Ex , and now my ghole Mercurio will supply you with all that you need, he lives at 24st',
And Salubri, do cover you forehead as pretty it is it also attracts attention, I doubt you and your cappadocian friend want that , there are Giovani and Tremer in the city  ." he said with smirk "Good luck, and don’t come back, until you do" "Good evening gentleman".


(chapter 2 aint finished)
-metal,bullets,fire are worthless against me,I'm your death,your final death,for your transgression against the laws that bind us,im forced to eradicate you,farewell,creature of the dark.

Offline _username

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2011, 01:43:20 AM »
The sire must be some kind of turbo bitch if she didn't close the conspicuous wound on his neck before embracing him.
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Offline Malavis

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2011, 05:17:08 AM »
Salubri and cappadocians do still exist in the WoD, but there's no way they'd be walking around freely stating who and what they are. These bloodlines universally masquerade as other clans to avoid being killed or made pawns- and those who don't generally die horrible deaths days after they are embraced.

If you want to portray any one of these bloodlines believably, I'd suggest making their clan something that you reveal late in the story, if at all.
Also, the fact that the friend was a Cappadocian would be immediately noticeable- though the gangrel might not know exactly what he was looking at, it'd still be like "WHOA- Why do you look like a dead person??"

Just my two cents. Hearing "Salubri, Cappacocian, and Baali" in the same paragraph made me cringe a bit. Even ONE of these things is exceedingly rare, usually only used as a "Holy shit" moment in a story. Having them walk around and be like "HEy, man, what's up? Let's go beat up some other obscure bloodlines!" takes away a lot of the strangeness that surrounds them. Just my initial thoughts- I found it difficult to maintain believability after that scene.

Offline _username

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2011, 05:38:03 AM »
A Salubri, a Cappadocian and a Baali walks into Elysium.  The Keeper says "what is this, a joke?"
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Offline antipaladin

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2011, 11:41:27 AM »
he could be a capa not a harbiger of skull..
and salubri are pretty commonly understood one you get a hold of the third eye.
now baali could be working with the sabbat however i do wonder what is an antribu baali would be like...
-metal,bullets,fire are worthless against me,I'm your death,your final death,for your transgression against the laws that bind us,im forced to eradicate you,farewell,creature of the dark.

Offline Malavis

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2011, 12:18:05 PM »
It's not really so much WHY they would be there- it's just that if all 3 are there by chance, I'm buying a lottery ticket.

Salubri are anything but common, and ones who work for the camarilla are completely unheard of as they are immediately found and eaten by the Tremere- and a Baali working for the Sabbat would technically be considered antitribu, since the clan itself is independent. Having all 3 mentioned in the same paragraph, like I said, really broke believability for me.

Most modern-day kindred don't even know what these bloodlines ARE, let alone encounter one- to say nothing of two. Like, unless there's some jesus-and-caine-hug-out-gehenna stuff about to occur, like I'm talking universe-changing events here, I cannot believe that these two are just chillaxin together.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2011, 12:19:37 PM by Malavis »

Offline antipaladin

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2011, 02:13:59 PM »
they are not by accident
imagine the capa was loner but he met the prettiest salubri who'm managed to esacpe tremer hands,the capa hunted by giovani himself was sympathatic and thus they decided to trevel together. the salubri ever the holy is dedicated to fight the baali.
the baali might not be antribu just managed to corrupt a sabbat bishop to help him,they premote baali agenda,not sabbat,the sabbat high command is not aware of this,as of yet..
-metal,bullets,fire are worthless against me,I'm your death,your final death,for your transgression against the laws that bind us,im forced to eradicate you,farewell,creature of the dark.

Offline Malavis

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2011, 09:35:22 PM »
 :facepalm: I don't want to be a dick- but I honestly think you're missing the point of what I'm saying, or you're trolling me and I'm an idiot.

I'll just end my participation in this debate by saying that I don't think you really have any idea what the world of darkness is really all about.

Good luck with your writing- But I strongly suggest you move on to a different canon.

Offline _username

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2011, 01:15:32 AM »
Eyes: Green
Hair: Black
Wings: Black
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Offline Radical21

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2011, 02:04:25 AM »
Eyes: Green
Hair: Black
Wings: Black

I'm sure Isador is thinking:
Spoiler for Hiden:

IMO most Kindred don't put too much weight on clans when dealing with one another on a personal level unless it comes to politics or choosing sides, so I find it unbelievable when kindred casually mention clans and their stereotypes at every turn as if that is all whats important.
 

The OP is obviously a Clanist and I resent that !  :justabite:
« Last Edit: September 07, 2011, 02:13:55 AM by Radical21 »

Offline Malavis

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #10 on: September 07, 2011, 02:46:43 AM »
I'm just waiting for the Kindred of the East to show up with the last surviving Tremere Antitribu and his Gargoyle bodyguard (With true faith- don't laugh, he actually exists somewhere!- Ferox) And then it can be one great big happy family.

Then they'll all lay siege to Enoch together.


BTW rad, your link is broken.


So- I'm going to try one more time in hopes that MAYBE I'll be understood.

VAMPIRES DON'T GO AROUND STATING THEIR CLAN. It's just not something that is done. Sometimes it's asked, sometimes the information is freely given, but for a Salubri to say he's a Salubri is pure bullshit. They've got a reputation as soul-stealers within the camarilla, and EVERY tremere in the city is going to pay top dollar to hear about it and SET HIS ASS ON FIRE.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2011, 02:58:10 AM by Malavis »

Offline Radical21

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #11 on: September 07, 2011, 04:02:58 AM »
I'm just waiting for the Kindred of the East to show up with the last surviving Tremere Antitribu and his Gargoyle bodyguard (With true faith- don't laugh, he actually exists somewhere!- Ferox) And then it can be one great big happy family.

Then they'll all lay siege to Enoch together.


BTW rad, your link is broken.


So- I'm going to try one more time in hopes that MAYBE I'll be understood.

VAMPIRES DON'T GO AROUND STATING THEIR CLAN. It's just not something that is done. Sometimes it's asked, sometimes the information is freely given, but for a Salubri to say he's a Salubri is pure bullshit. They've got a reputation as soul-stealers within the camarilla, and EVERY tremere in the city is going to pay top dollar to hear about it and SET HIS ASS ON FIRE.


Lets not forget the Kaiysad , Nagaraja , Abomination and True Brujah , they would want in on this also...

-it is? shows fine on my end. strange, ill edit it later.

I totally agree with the rest, I wasn't saying anything to contradict you there, but I think that "special" clan or not , Most Vampires (except maybe ones who associate clan with organization like Tremere and Giovanni) do not obsess over who is of clan this or that, sometimes its glaringly obvious like with Fishmalks and Nosferatu, but most of the time it really doesn't matter in respect of who the character is, like it doesn't matter that Smiling Jack is a Brujah, he might as well be a Gangrel or even Ventrue and he would still have roughly the same demeanor(aside from clan weakness).

Very common among-st new players to take clan stereotypes as a stated truth or bring out the minority bloodlines as a unique and special coolness while knowing very little or none about them in respect of canon..(The "I want my character to be True Brujah cause that's special")

Part of what I like about WoD is that there are no classes and no clean cut presets as to the role and specialty of a character, so even if you choose clan this or clan that it doesn't really say all that much about who your character is. People can take a D&Dish approach to WoD but I do not.

Offline _username

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #12 on: September 07, 2011, 09:25:30 AM »
This is part of why I prefer to just play a Caitiff, all other factors being equal.  Of course, they can come with stereotypes of their own, but most are far less vividly defined than the stereotypes that come with the typical Toreador, Tremere, or Assamite, for instance.
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Offline Rick Gentle

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #13 on: September 07, 2011, 09:35:32 AM »
It's off-topic, but on-topic seems to be harsh criticism, so...

I think the best characters - or at least the ones I usually conceive - are pretty stereotypical for their Clans (stereotypes have to arise from somewhere, after all), but there are a couple important differences that make them that character. There's a lot of background material in Masquerade that sort of leans towards some character types over others, and native Disciplines even more so. It's hard to be an ear-to-the-ground punk Tremere when all you have is Mental Disciplines and the whole Pyramid giving you the stink eye for not doing your homework. To me, the idea is to break a mold, not never use the mold in the first place.

In this case, it's harder to say what constitutes a "stereotypical" Salubri or Cappadocian, since they've been all but extinct for a thousand years. The criticism here seems to be more along the lines of common vampiric tactics and habits - NO vampire just throws out their Clan or generation. It's comparatively rare for any three vampires to randomly meet on the street, not just esoteric bloodlines. I mean, c'mon, it's a fanfiction. That means it's not canon. We don't have to like it, but crushing somebody's creativity isn't the true path either, methinks.
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Offline Malavis

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Re: A fanfiction
« Reply #14 on: September 07, 2011, 09:58:07 AM »
True. I suppose I thought I was being trolled. It wasn't meant to harp on creativity in general.